Lily Tomlin Funny Quotations

The road to success is always under construction.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

It was just a funny notion about everything. We were lucky that Jane had such a passion for it and she, from the beginning, wanted the two of us; Dolly and me.

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.