Witty Quotations | Page 10

Don't improve it into a flop!

Tell them to stand closer apart.

You fail to overlook the crucial point.

I want to make a picture about the Russian secret police - the GOP.

We have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the reservoir.

True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer. I won't say yes, and I won't say no - but I'm giving you a definite maybe.

I paid too much for it, but it's worth it.

"Yes, but that's our strongest weak point."

The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures.

I have been laid up with intentional flu.

He treats me like the dirt under my feet.

Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.

This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up.

To hell with the cost, if it's a good story, I'll make it.

Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Gentlemen, include me out.

I've gone where the hand of man has never set foot.

They stayed away in droves.

Let's have some new cliches.

I like witty people, people who can be witty on the spot.

I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell.

The Law is a grim, unsmiling thing. Not Justice, though. Justice is witty and whimsical and kind and caring.

Conquered people tend to be witty.

Great God! This is an awful place.

I don't know if I'm particularly funny, I mean one of my legs is shorter than the other one, it makes everything look very awkward, so I can just pretty much look like an idiot, but I don't know whether I can be like witty. It could be a problem.

Politics make me sick

Hell is paved with good samaritans.

There are a lot of great technicians in advertising. And unfortunately they talk the best game. They know all the rules ... but there's one little rub. They forget that advertising is persuasion, and persuasion is not a science, but an art. Advertising is the art of persuasion.

Old Madame du Deffand and her friends talked for fifty years without stopping. And of it all, what remains? Perhaps three witty sayings. So that we are at liberty to suppose either that nothing was said, or that nothing witty was said, or that the fraction of three witty sayings lasted eighteen thousand two hundred and fifty nights, which does not leave a liberal allowance of wit for any one of them.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Like Hemingway and Faulkner, but in an entirely different mode, Fitzgerald had that singular quality without which a writer is not really a writer at all, and that is a voice, a distinct and identifiable voice. This is really not the same thing as a style; a style can be emulated, a voice cannot, and the witty, rueful, elegaic voice gives his work its bright authenticity.

They who drink beer will think beer.

Every witticism is an inexact thought; that which is perfectly true is imperfectly witty.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Silence in love betrays more woe - Than words though ne'er so witty; A beggar that is dumb, you know, may challenge double pity.

The history of most women is hidden either by silence, or by flourishes and ornaments that amount to silence.

If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well. It were done quickly.

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

The history of all Magazines shows plainly that those which have attained celebrity were indebted for it to articles similar in natureto Berenice--although, I grant you, far superior in style and execution. I say similar in nature. You ask me in what does this nature consist? In the ludicrous heightened into the grotesque: the fearful coloured into the horrible: the witty exaggerated into the burlesque: the singular wrought out into the strange and mystical.

Melancholy men, of all others, are the most witty.

Make the most of What you have, When you have it, Where you are.

The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law.

Wit is educated insolence.

Melancholy men of all others are most witty, which causeth many times a divine ravishment, and a kinde of Enthusiasmus, which stirreth them up to bee excellent Philosophers, Poets, Prophets, etc.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.

She marking them begins a wailing note And sings extemporally a woeful ditty How love makes young men thrall and old men dote How love is wise in folly, foolish-witty Her heavy anthem still concludes in woe, And still the choir of echoes answer so.

I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-out heresy.

Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy shee.

There are three estates in Parliament but in the Reporters' Gallery yonder there sits a Fourth Estate more important far than they all. It is not a figure of speech or witty saying, it is a literal fact, very momentous to us in these times.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Many get the repute of being witty but thereby lose the credit of being sensible. Jest has its little hour, seriousness should have all the rest.

The devil's most devilish when respectable.

There's many witty men whose brains can't fill their bellies.

In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead.

And they're [Coen brothers] so smart, they're so witty, they have such an extraordinary way of communicating with an audience in a such a clean way - with just a few lines or just a gesture from a character, they say so much.

The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, " This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in; fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well! It must have been made to have me in it!

Grave authors say, and witty poets sing, That honest wedlock is a glorious thing.

The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.

Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

I would have made a good pope.

I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

He would make a lovely corpse.

Wit in women is a jewel, which, unlike all others, borrows lustre from its setting, rather than bestows it; since nothing is so easy as to fancy a very beautiful woman extremely witty.

Shakespeare, Butler and Bacon have rendered it extremely difficult for all who come after them to be sublime, witty or profound.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

The ability to make witty observations is commonly refered to as "cynism" by people who lack it.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well.

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

Never mistake motion for action.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Who can prove Wit to be witty when with deeper ground Dulness intuitive declares wit dull?

Dear Friends all, A thousand Christmas pleasures and blessings to you -- good resolutions and bright hopes for the New Year! Amen. People who can't be witty exert themselves to be pious or affectionate.

Life is extraordinarily suave and sweet with certain natural, witty, affectionate people who have unusual distinction and are capable of every vice, but who make a display of none in public and about whom no one can affirm they have a single one. There is something supple and secret about them. Besides, their perversity gives spice to their most innocent occupations, such as taking a walk in the garden at night.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

It is a melancholy consideration that there should be several among us so hardened and deluded as to think an oath a proper subject for a jest; and to make this, which is one of the most solemn acts of religion, an occasion of mirth. Yet such is the depravation of our manners at present, that nothing is more frequent than to hear profligate men ridiculing, to the best of their abilities, these sacred pledges of their duty and allegiance; and endeavouring to be witty upon themselves, for daring to prevaricate with God and man.

The discreet man finds out the talents of those he converses with, and knows how to apply them to proper uses. Accordingly, if we look into particular communities and divisions of men, we may observe that it is the discreet man, not the witty, nor the learned, nor the brave, who guides the conversation, and gives measures to the society.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

All geniuses die young.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!