Witty Quotations | Page 7

What do you take me for, an idiot?

A witty illustration or an apt story will accomplish more than columns of argument.

History is not just cruel. It is witty.

I wouldn't even dare read the Torah, let alone attempt a witty observation on the Torah.

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.

You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.

Your wit makes others witty.

Your wits make others witty.

It's very witty and it's great to see teenage characters have control that way. And you can actually hear about sex and pot and it's okay, it's not completely bad and you can't say that to teenagers.

Euphonic and harmonious expressions, forcible and just expressions, profound and comprehensive expressions, and especially apt and witty expressions, each have their specific influence upon different minds, and their common influence upon all minds.... It is therefore high time our most valuable aphorisms and paragraphs were put in order for frequent perusal, and for handy reference, as the circumstances of life call up subjects.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.

A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

Bob Dylan at 60 is the same as Bob Dylan at 16. He's a loner, ... He's secretive. He's a man who's very funny, witty and playful, and at the same time he's very serious and traditional. And at the same time he has this flare for being unorthodox and iconoclastic and wayward. But he always was.

As soon as I spent time with Martha I knew that her witty and engaging humor would surprise and entertain viewers.

As soon as she gets her divorce one of us is going to marry her. We don't know which. She is about as beautiful a woman as I ever saw, and very witty and well-informed, but it would cost a good deal to keep her in diamonds.

We think that the character is actually modeled after Noel Coward himself. It's a play about a very witty man leading his life in the theater.

Broodingly suggestive of Donne's intellectual figure as well as his witty sensuality, it is also a picture of great intrinsic beauty and the bewitching evocation of an age. The National Portrait Gallery is its natural home. The picture is cheap at the price, and if we don't buy it someone else will.

No, sir, I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more than she can be witty only by the help of speech

They're very witty in terms of their ability to identify humans and get out of the way.

You're just as witty as you feel, just as witty as you feel inside.

I know the bestseller 'Gone Girl' doesn't need an ounce of support from me, but that book was as sharp and witty as they come.

It's nice when people will go out and get a card. It's a sign that people actually give a damn about you in the company. You just have to be willing to sit there and think up that witty comment.

He's witty and quick, and Johnny has a lot of fun. He'll be a good mix with the guys.

Would you consider a man or a woman to be complicated? Is it that difficult to understand both the sexes? We say that we know what the other sex is all about, but is that really true? Perhaps the following witty, funny quotes and sayings can help simplify things down about men.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.

I remembered Autumn's grandmother telling her that she has to be the woman of the family when Antoinette went to jail. And she was the glue of that family, a bright, witty and special little girl. She would bring laughter to everyone when things were down, and she was so aware and perceptive of what was going on around her.

My brain's not sharp enough to come up with a witty comment.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to be able to quote another's wit.

He--the country parson--is not witty or learned or eloquent, but holy.

Every one is witty for his owne purpose.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.

...whatever other qualities Jews may posses, likable or the reverse, no one who knows them well can deny that they are personally interesting. By that I mean, specially alive, alert, quick at comprehending people or events and at making pungent or witty comments on them... One might at times find the rather hothouse family atmosphere, with it intensities and frictions, somewhat trying, but one could be sure of never being bored.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

You definitely see more of Martha's real personality. She's very witty and has a good sense of humor and is very smart. But you also see her strong personality come out, where she's talking over people and doing what she wants. That's who she is. I have to admit, I miss the parts of her show where she would talk about an industry, and go to a piano factory or show how peaches are harvested. But I guess you can get that content in a magazine.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?

I'm going to show you the real New York - witty, smart, and international - like any metropolis. Tell me this: where in Europe can you find old Hungary, old Russia, old France, old Italy? In Europe you're trying to copy America, you're almost American. But here you'll find Europeans who immigrated a hundred years ago - and we haven't spoiled them. Oh, Gio! You must see why I love New York. Because the whole world's in New York....

Well, well, perhaps I am a bit of a talker. A popular fellow such as I am -- my friends get round me -- we chaff, we sparkle, we tell witty stories -- and somehow my tongue gets wagging. I have the gift of conversation. I've been told I ought to have a salon, whatever that may be.

Gritty and witty, The Chicago Way is done the classic Raymond Chandler Way. Harvey's taut plot, snappy prose, and memorable characters make this debut novel a real winner.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Music has shaped men’s fashion and transposed in a playful and witty manner its riding or military heritage. It is difficult to figure out who leads but music and fashion are connected genetically.

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

I don't even know if it's possible, but if it were, I'd like to make those kinds of old movies where the women were articulate and intelligent and flawed and witty.

She is pretty to walk with, And witty to talk with, And pleasant, too, to think on.

Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.

It's the combination of songs and styles the band uses that makes them so unique. They have diversity and a witty flare about them that audiences relate to.

As a general rule, when you comment on a blog, make it knowledgeable or witty and, most of all, relevant to that post - then, simply sign it with your name and your book title. Resist the urge to brag or sell your book.

I declare, on my soul and conscience, that the attainment of power, or of a great name in literature, seemed to me an easier victory than a success with some young, witty, and gracious lady of high degree.

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

It doesn't matter where we begin the personal/political circle, but it matters desperately that we complete it.

All men are equal before fish.

The real fact of the matter is that nobody reads ads. People read what interests them, and sometimes it's an ad.

Until the day arrives when all women decide that our rights are not negotiable, our future choices will not be secure.

My contributions were many: First clown director, with witty sayings and flashily dressed, now called master of ceremonies.

You may be witty, but not satirical.

What is perfectly true is perfectly witty.

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorrhaging.

It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

To have money is to be virtuous, honest, beautiful and witty And to be without is to be ugly and boring and stupid and useless.

Change is not a four letter word...but often your reaction to it is!

Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar.

It's that same quality I've been talking about. It's neither contrived, nor surprising and smart, not baffling, not witty, not interesting, not cynical, it can't be planned and it probably can't even be described. It's just good.

To speak of the impotence of power is no longer a witty paradox.

Spread the glad tidings that it will not disappoint Miss Heyer's many admirers. Judging from the letters I've received from obviously feeble-minded persons who do so wish I would write another These Old Shades, it ought to sell like hot cakes. I think myself I ought to be shot for writing such nonsense, but it's questionably good escapist literature and I think I should rather like it if I were sitting in an air-raid shelter, or recovering from flu. Its period detail is good; my husband says it's witty---and without going to these lengths, I will say that it is very good fun.

I have a goofy side that impacts my clothing a lot. To that end, I love witty, colorful, prints.

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

I appreciate my my sleep In sleep my conversation is witty My home is dusted My office work is up to date The dog is even well behaved And food is on the table on time But then when I'm asleep I don't have you to clutter and confuse My hungry heart

The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't.

I am so frickin' cool and delicious and pretty and witty and sharp! I love every inch of me! Who wouldn't?

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

There are some men who are witty when they are in a bad humor, and others only when they are sad.

Just play the moment, that's the fun of it. You just play the moment. It's great writing and very clever writing, I think it's witty. And I have those great clothes. You have a great, witty, intelligent script and you look like a million dollars, because we have a great costumer, and it's a pretty good place to begin.

Talking to oneself, I have often thought, is the best way to be sure of intelligent and witty conversation.