Woody Allen Sarcastic Quotations

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself.

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.