Yogi Berra Funny Quotations

I never said most of the things I said.

If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's gonna stop 'em.

I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?

He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical

I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.

Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I said."

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future.

It's like deja-vu, all over again.

Ninety percent of this game is half mental.

He must have made that before he died.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name.

You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what's left.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."

As a general comment on baseball:"90% of the game is half mental."

It ain't the heat, it's the humility.

It gets late early out there.

Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is.

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."

When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

Never answer anonymous letters.

Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you.

It ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays.

I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it.

It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't.

All pitchers are liars or crybabies.

He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light.

I'd say he's done more than that.

I don't mean to be funny.