Mae West Funny Quotations

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them.

A man's kiss is his signature.

I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one.

March isn't the only thing that's in like a lion and out like a lamb.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'.