Robert Orben Funny Quotations

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.