Milton Berle Funny Quotations

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"