Steven Wright Ice Quotations

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?